不打自招


說好不寫,是為了什麼
April 2, 2009, 7:58 pm
Filed under: 1

畢業之後我就決定把自己關起來,只開放給他參觀。因我覺得這樣子有如嚼蠟燭的生活不值得炫耀、分享。

不是因為我的工作,而是因為我要工作。我投身成香港勞動人口的一分子。

我早知道蜜月過了。



歐洲的事
November 16, 2008, 3:21 pm
Filed under: 1

布拉格

地點是我挑的,當初因為距離跟西歐有點遠,想過要放棄。但最後他的遷就/盲從讓我得逞了。小心的他為我倆安排最安全的電召計程車,司機是一個美國人,車子駛了多久他就說了多久,內容都是圍繞他在布拉格還有其他地方工作的事情。其實我好害怕,我承認是看得太多texas chainsaw massacre,我在車子上裝冷靜,看車外的風景,看路燈去掩飾恐懼。但他好讓我們在深夜不至在低溫下背著10kg回旅店。聽說捷克人對陌生客看起來很冷淡,其實他們是很友善。我覺得他們是認真,不苛言笑以致引來這些誤會。接待我們的是一個年輕的本地人,喜歡電子音樂,晚睡,抽煙抽得很凶,看起來好像有點冷漠卻很helpful,果然驗証了我剛才說的。

睡了一晚才懂好好的觀察一下我們房間,大大的雙人床,親切的茶几一座,薄薄的窗紗把兩只大窗蓋好了。窗外有雜色鴿子,每天都在吵,一吃東西我就醒過來,牠們的咀巴鏗鏘的敲著平台上的水管,又有打掃的清潔工,睡醒後通常都衣衫不整不然就像大林先生只穿袜子,有時候剛好窗紗沒有蓋好或是怎麼的,都會不好意思爬起床所以睡到工人離開時,已經是日上三竿。

我們是在渡假

<續>



火車駛開了,我心還停在那該死的月台上
August 17, 2008, 7:58 pm
Filed under: 1

一思案 (ひとしあん)
作詞: 一青窈 作曲: 井上陽水

柴犬を飼ったのは
生まれ変わりだと思い込みたい少女、
の ごっこ遊び
エンジに日焼けた大きすぎるつっかけと
母のかけ水に派手すぎるビキニ
いつから廻り階段に慣れて
あの頃のまま かさばり雲むっつ

白地図を埋めたかったのに
言問橋で初恋を落としてしまった 娘
大人顔で振り向いて ごらん
実を結ばないことだらけの汗、が
やっと やっとで沈丁花となって咲いた
うまれてよかった

※ゆれて束の間 青いだけ
流れゆくのは 誰だっけ
うれしさみしさ、は あわせ成れ と
恋し家路 までに 一思案※

見守ってくれた父にかわる昨日 は
いちまいいちまいはがされた
貴方に、です
傷つきやすいあたしになれた
けれどけれども
いつ叶うのかわからない
別にいいことなんかなくていいもん
あってもいいけど

(※くり返し)

我和你之間 只是藍々的
怎麼不想起 是誰揺々的
為了高興跟悲哀 表裏一致的
還缺点児什麼 我思量 在帰路



當兵的男人
August 12, 2008, 6:53 pm
Filed under: seeking for a balloon, sing a song for lovers

到現時為止我碰到兩個,兩個都是我在台灣認識的朋友。一個是室友的男友,另外一個是很照顧我的學長(他們算我是一年級),兩個都畢業了,理所當然地被趕入伍受訓,學開槍搏擊。我本人非常慶幸自己不是台妹&沒有台灣男友,一來不用闊別一年之多,二來我實在受不了自己的男友會開槍會打架,看到他穿軍服,我會想到自己會有機會成為被攻擊的對象,那太可怕了。我知道可能想太多,但誰保證自己會不動手的?我不確定但我知道情緒智障的大有人在,如果他懂得搏擊我會很怕,每天都想枕邊人會否因工作壓力而變身暴力狂。會保護人是很好,但我真得不想冒險,叫那個賊乾脆殺掉我吧。但未來一年的話題貧乏一定是一個問題,沉悶的軍中生活,最不好受一定是他們,但也想想我如果因此要做research找話題來平衡他的沉悶,我會難過的(別跟我唱軍歌拜託),所以男人女人生活一涉及當兵這課題就等於受難受苦。哼。

為什麼要當兵啦如果對岸的xx沒有向著這邊那就不用當啦…就是那個xx,令這個月的年輕情侶陷入一遍愁雲慘霧。

再說這個題目實在太像陶某先生的文章了:睡單人床的男人、打字慢的女人、吃油脾的男人、用單人馬桶的女人etc。很有feel呢靠杯。



我想帶你去
July 22, 2008, 7:06 am
Filed under: seeking for a balloon, sing a song for lovers

我想帶你去的地方好多

兩個城市雖然很相似

但景觀總有差

這個比台北更高度城市化的地方

人在其中自己會變得好渺小很虛弱

身為造物主有這種感覺實在好諷刺

所以是景點 看膩?

那可以去廟宇拜拜 去看看綠色

縱然在這個高樓城市裡 可能不太多

但我知道我就是有能力去找一兩個給你看

還有這裡的夜景一定比北藝漂亮

你可以放心

如果還有時間 就在我家附近的小公園坐坐

那裡是浪漫得令人很想接吻的地方

成貓到處躺臥睡覺吃飯打架作愛 一年四季都有小貓出生

我住的貓村 你會喜歡

還是明年再說



每月一則小預言–活在烤箱不會是什麼好日子吧。
July 22, 2008, 6:00 am
Filed under: 1, daily errors

距離孤獨的日子其實不遠,我的計算方法是用猜度身邊的人什麼時候離世再減今天就是了。有關死生我都害怕,怕死怕生,怕沒人替我關燈怕被人搶父親。有關生死我亦高興,喜死又喜生,喜天使下凡喜沒人再碎碎唸。

好多憂慮都可以表現我的小氣。洋人叫的apple有掌上明珠之意,蘋果很單純,走進伊甸也不是他的錯呀。自然的褪色,每天等腐爛,當然傷感,感傷在你甘於把明珠放進烤箱,上下發熱線齊全四面受熱。好好的蘋果都受不得了,難度明珠可以

可能真的只是一個蘋果,烤焦也只是蘋果一只,微不足道還想奢望

請帶我走,珍而重之地放到手心,把你掌上的一枚星球,遠離痛苦的軌跡,重新自轉。



Louise Bourgeois and Sophie Calle :PTP
July 14, 2008, 8:29 am
Filed under: seeking for a balloon | Tags: ,

Louise Bourgeois, @ Centre Pompidou (28/5)

<<Hearty and hard>>

That was the first exhibition we visited in Paris. We discussed a lot after the visit, I remembered that Linda asked me about the feeling; I remembered her question but forgot my responses.

What is interesting about Bourgeois for me is the diversed media that she has worked with. The materials that she used were somehow interesting, and the most interesting thing of all is the evolution of the usage of the materials, she chose the materials based on their qualities, e.g., flexibility. From marble ( like her work “the past being gotten rid of by the present” )to wood, then steel, then clay and after all cloth, the materials that she works with are more and more flexible as her artistic career goes on, because she needs the flexibility to mold her sculptures, especially those sculptures concerning body. She regards the body, her own body, as the only thing that can represent herself. Her own body has been a recurring topic in her works. Giving birth to her son has made a dramatic change to her body, she treated her body as a safe room to her child, maybe rather than a room, it is more like a house that can give him everything that he wanted. After the laboring, she experienced the negligence from her son; she felt sad about it and made artworks with the feeling. If she treats herself as a house, we can see her work like “woman house”, “house/wife” and “house”, then the resident should be her son, she might treat her son leaving her as a resident leaving his house, and the house became abandoned, as she might have felt of herself. Her works somehow can show the emptiness and loneliness.

And other resident of the house should be her husband, before her son lived in, her husband entered in the form of sexual intercourse. Her husband’s love disappeared; she treated it as another resident left her house. Her house is tough and strong, and the support of the family, can always protect its residents, just as other housewives protect their family always. But a house need residents, housewives need their family, in her artworks, the metaphor was strongly shown. Some of the sculptures represented the family and her, her image was tough, just like a sculpture we saw there, a steel sculpture that we could see her holding shopping bags, and her family was just beside her, everything around her seemed like supporting her spiritually. She was sturdy but at the same time we could feel the weakness inside her heart and her mind, through these series of artworks.

Would mothers feel themselves as a house? I think it just depends on one sense of responsibility. A mother can feel herself as resident, and actually she is, if she lives in a house like any other members of the family. The one who takes the responsibility is the one who protects the family.

By the way, the view from the long corridor outside the exhibtion halls on the 6th floor of Centre Pompidou was nice, but it was too hot to stand there. No air conditioning in the corridor, unbelievable -_-

————————————————————————————–

Sophie Calle, @Bibliotheque nationale de France (31/5)

<<107 reactions of Sophie after she read the letter>>

I think the most suitable idiom I can use for the exhibition is 「百感交集」 - hundred kinds of feelings mixed together, this is my first impression on this artwork. When I situated in the library, (yes, the work was exhibited in a library), that was an emotional archive made by Sophie, she invited 107 women to respond to the break-up letter, I would guess that Sophie might be brave to publicize the letter, but felt weak to give a response to it. Or she didn know how to respond. Those 107 responses might represent her feeling to a certain extent.

I believe that different materials and different kind of performances can help expressing unusual feelings. Though the medium was not chosen by Calle, the variation of the expressions by the medium may be Calle intention. A static performance like writing, photography and drawing, or a dynamic performance like singing, dancing, acting, etc. Serious, hilarious, humorous, psychedelic and many other emotions that Sophie would like to express on this issue. But passively she invited 107 women to help her express. The interesting point in the work is those 107 women have different (professional and personal) backgrounds, they were from different walks of lives. So we can see 107 representatives of Calle to help her to respond. I agree with the point Carol made, the work could alienate Calle as she has put herself in a passive position in this work. This made me think of my work, a short novel about my mother, I tried to be rational and alienated myself from myself, as I thought the work could hurt me, but I felt the need to deal with it. I think Calle was kind of that, being alienated, that could be safer, and not being hurt so much, I guess.

When I came back to Hong Kong, I lost the letter. If Calle was as careless as me, might she feel better? Or has she ever felt sad about the letter? I think the wind blows it away. I am sure.

—————————————————————————————

Louise Bourgeois and Sophie Calle: Perceptual knowledge of love and hate

In Paris, we visited lots of the galleries and museums, for me, the most profound exhibitions must be Louise Bourgeois work in Centre Pompidou (28/5)

And Sophie Calle work in Bibliotheque nationale de France (31/5).

Since I chatted with Hector before, audiences and readers always compared them as two different styled artists, they used different materials to make art, but in my mind, they are very similar, when you think it deeply, and try to situate in their emotions and positions, but after all, I think I have to change my mind on this issue, I found that in the way of making art, the active and passive positions are different, as Carol said before, Sophie invited 107 women to make responses to the break-up letter from her boyfriend. And Bourgeois, she faced her problem alone, and make heartbreaking artworks on her own. I couldn’t say Calle is completely passive as she is the active one to find those 107 women, but about the artwork itself, I mean the respond, is somehow passive I think. As these were not the direct responses from Sophie. Maybe that why I think they are different, excluding the materials they used. They look similar but different, but they look different but similar, that a reaction after I went to both exhibitions.

Why I thought they are similar?

Because at the very beginning, I just concentrated on the reason why they made the artworks, and the background behind the artworks themselves. I found they were aroused by the relationship issue and love issue easily, like Louise, her sons and her husband seem like very important in her life, every steps every gestures they made would affect Louise much. And Sophie‘s boyfriend break up letter made her a chance to expose her feeling by 107 women. Maybe we can use a word”sensitive to describe these two female artists.

7/7 in a hot night at home



驚我天動我地的一則小事
June 24, 2008, 8:30 pm
Filed under: 1, sing a song for lovers

你很懂得嚇人,把四年前的我學得十足,但我卻已淡忘一切任性小動作。在任何時候如果我發現你跑掉,我不會生氣只會害怕。um…很沒種的傢伙。擁有男友+好朋友雙重身份的你,於我非常珍貴,溜走後買來吉野家亦屬加分之舉,但顯然我的胃也正在擔心裝置而忘記消化。我看著牛肉飯實在很想笑,因這個飯提醒我將有更美味的食物送到我咀邊。好,回到裝置。依然如此一病不起,要找Y醫生急救。電腦的東西我沒有意見只有埋怨,對你呢,經此一役,我有幾個建議:1.任何時候都不要溜走,預先通知會得到讚美。2.不要對死物動粗呀,那些噪音足以嚇死一頭成貓。作為理性小王子的你,應該不成問題吧。問題在於你會否為一頭貓村貓而去接受。如果成功,我沒有什麼可以給你,或許是一記額吻吧,因為你的額吻叫我覺得這種禮物實在很甜。



生氣文
March 25, 2008, 7:53 pm
Filed under: daily errors, seeking for a balloon

我計過,人地一個字6蚊,我一個字2毫。我而家連人地十分一都未到。其實我係傾向支持project based支薪架,咁成件事真係一個project黎架嘛,count乜撚野hour呀?

屌奶 係咪我唔配用咁既支薪方式呀?佢地有冇試過用人腦架?



給先生的紅紅紅紅紅紅紅紅紅紅紅
March 25, 2008, 7:21 pm
Filed under: daily errors

頂你,自己功課都冇咁密。

食完雪糕,今日先醒起。原來我已經斷斷續續來經達十年之久。兩天前我的額頭和下巴長了痘痘,向左偏生。我怪自己晚睡,壓力太大etc,後來再一次發現是經前候群。十年前我發現自己來經,因為害怕(+痛),哭倒奶奶的床上,是多麼的弱智。十年後我在自己的睡床上弄筆電,沒有痛楚,再加一聲充滿厭惡的屌。十年就是這樣,一次比一次冷淡,由最激動的,到現在來到「我真的不想再理它」這一個地步。

才十年呀。上天會不會因我的態度惡劣而讓我提早更年或是突然懷孕?

我中一的那一年曾經跟一個女同學結伴買衛生棉,當時我還未是用家。對話內容詳細的我不太記得,大慨是說我這輩子都不想有月經,就算有也越遲來越好,然後她說有月經是成長的証據(我把她的措辭美化了)。我那時候有點生氣。我不看張小嫻就覺我幼稚且拒絕來往,看南丁格爾自傳就被定型作weirdo,你是怎樣界定自己成長的?論成熟度我跟我爸是一樣的。對不起生理上的成長我自己從來都沒計算在內,所以我才敢下這樣的評論。

差一個字也天壤之別啦。




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